"Self Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus (Scuba)"

Diving- Related Humor*

For Divers Only

Top Ten Signs That You Have Made Too Many Dives:

10) You have to put your total number of dives in scientific notation. 

9) You look back at your logbooks and realize you've spent more time at decompression than at work. 

8) You're permanently prune-figured. 

7) Your dive log is available on Amazon.com. 

6) You have named all the zebra mussels on your favorite wreck. 

5) You worry that your office elevator is ascending too quickly. 

4) You've stopped logging your dives because it's easier to just log your surface intervals. 

3) Your "time to fly" is measured in months. 

2) Your picture appears on fish identification tables. 

1) You perform a Valsalva maneuver prior to stepping on a down escalator.

Top 10 Reasons to Dive During Hurricane Season:

10) To refill your tank, just point it windward and open the valve.

9) You'll have your scuba gear handy when your hotel starts to flood.

8) Dive your front yard...no charters needed!

7) Can check "all of the above" for dive conditions in log book.

6) Faster current means you get to see more.

5) All the pretty fish swim in synchronized circles.

4) Save on airfare by drift diving home.

3) Your reef dive easily becomes a wreck dive...named after you!

2) Two words: NO TOURISTS!!

1) How much could it possibly cost to stay in a gymnasium with 2000
other people?

Top Ten Things You Don't Want to Hear While in the Recompression Chamber

10) Mind if I smoke?

9) Did you pay the electric bill this month?

8) What do you mean, "It's going to blow."

7) DAN who?

6) Your insurance doesn't cover dive accidents.  Is this going to be cash
or charge?

5) What's that coming out of his ear?

4) Hey, your eyes look a little bulgy.

3) Is your head normally that small?

2) The chamber tech on duty gets to pick the music. It's Yanni
Wednesday!

1) "We've secretly replaced this diver's recompression mix with Folgers
Crystals.  Let's see if he can tell the difference."

* Source: Scuba Diving Online.

Updated: Saturday, July 18, 2009 09:26:44